Saying Goodbye

This post is dedicated to the amazing spirit and life of Bessie Vance, my Memaw and hero.  On Monday before Christmas we traveled to Paris, Texas to say goodbye to Memaw and lay her to rest.  This was the single hardest day of my life thus far.  I never thought it would be so hard to say goodbye to her.  Memaw was one of my best friends; she knew how to make me laugh, feel loved, and comfort me in just the right way when things weren't going my way. She knew the vulnerability of my heart and my secrets that made me, me. Even as I type this I find it so difficult to talk about her in past tense. 

I must say that I always thought losing a loved one would challenge my faith--push me to a place where I just didn't understand.  I, however, feel completely opposite.  In fact, knowing that Memaw has gone to heaven to be with Jesus Christ gives me the motivation and desire to live a life full of Christ so that I might be reunited with her again.  I will miss her everyday for the rest of my life.  I find myself telling stories about her or doing things in the kitchen and wanting to call her and tell her about it.  That's when it hurts a little more. 

I found myself buried with devastation on Christmas Eve, wondering how I would enjoy the holidays without my Memaw.  I wanted this to be special because it would be our first Christmas with Jackson.  That evening I was going through my address book and out slipped a note.  I had no idea what it was, but discovered it was a note from Memaw.  It was exactly what I needed to hear in my time of hurting.  I won't retype it all for this blog, but here's what part of it read:
"We will think of you Ashley where ever you are Christmas.  Out of sight is not out of mind.  Always know you are very special to your Memaw and Pawpaw.  Have a wonderful Christmas and the best New Year you have ever had.  We love you-Memaw and Pawpaw xxooox."

I have hundreds of notes just like these.  I keep them all in a special place.  It was amazing that this note just so happened to find me when I needed it.  We did have a beautiful Christmas and New Years with our precious Jackson-the best one I have ever had.

Some Updated Pics!

Nemo, Ema (cousin), and Jackson
Thanksgiving Day-11/26/2009

Jackson and Collin's playdate at the Lake

11/27/2009

Jackson's 8 month old pic...Gig 'Em Aggies!

Daddy, Jackson, and Grampa (Three generations)

11/27/2009

Cheese!

10/30/2009

Trick or Treat!  I am a dragon!

Grampa and Grammy

10/31/2009

Christmas Cheer

Look here, Santa and his elf have arrived!

Still here

Well, it certainly has been forever and a half since I have posted a blog. Needless to say, things have been very busy for the three of us.  I discovered that I spread myself WAY to thin this fall taking on staying at home, working my Southern Living at Home business, and going to graduate school.  Things are winding down for the holidays, and I finally feel like I have a handle on things again.  School finished up well for me.  I am pleased with my grades.  I have decided that I will not be taking any classes this spring.  To be fair to Jackson, David, and myself this is truly the best decision.  My business is doing well, and I hope to keep the momentum going.  I was able to have members join my team and have several great parties.  I even earned a free trip to Las Vegas!  I will be going this January.  As for being at home, I think I have a gaumet (spelling?) of emotions. 

I love it.  I love seeing Jackson grow up every day and feel like I am playing a major part in the person he is becoming.  He is so full of innocence and eager to learn new things.  I hate it.  I hate being trapped in the house on rainy, cold days wondering what all of my friends are doing.  I hate it when people say, "oh" in that pity-strained tone when they discover I am "just a" stay at home mom.  I laugh at it.  I laugh when there are moments I am juggling too many things at once.  I laugh when I eat it and only Jackson sees me fall on my face. I am in awe of it.  I am in awe of how I got through some of these days.  Let's face it, a crying baby in pain from teething is just no fun. I am in awe of the beautiful blessing I get to hold, tickle, cuddle, and kiss all day long.

Race for the Cure

For the last several years I have participated in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure event. It is a wonderful race bringing awareness to breast cancer and prevention. I am super exicted that I am going to be doing the race again this year. The Race for the Cure will be held on Saturday October 3rd. I would love to have all of you join me (don't worry, I walk)! If you are interested, you can click here to view my website and find out details.

This year I also accepted a challenge to raise $100 in donations. You are more than welcome to join me in the fight agaist breast cancer by making a pledge. The contribution is tax-deductible and helps to fund local outreach, awareness, and treatment programs.

Donations like these are what helped to locate and treat a mass found in myself back in 2005. Now, I feel honored that I can participate in this race; I will walk for my mother and friend this year.

The Blues Brothers...kind of...

As many of you know I have very blue eyes...which basically means that my eyes are extremely sensitive to sunlight. I am almost always wearing a pair of sunglasses. Well, Jackson's eyes are also blue like mine, so I decided it was time for some eye protection. Ironically, he was given these pair of sunglasses this Sunday at church as a gift. So off we went today with our shades on a walk. I was laughing so hard, that I just HAD to take a pic of the two of us...pretty ridiculous huh?

Finally...

Jackson took a bottle for Daddy today! I was out doing a Southern Living at Home party, so David offered Jackson a bottle. AND HE DRANK IT! yeah! Thanks for all the advice! Oh, and check out this adorable picture we took today as a family (believe it or not, this is only our 3rd picture together as a family...we've got to get better at that)!

Okay, so I had to add just one more adorable pic to this blog entry...Isn't our little Class of 2031 irresistable?! Muooah!

Ladies Night Out...Mommy style

One of my very best friends, Erin, and I went to the movies tonight along with her sister Dana. Per Erin's suggestion, I read the novel, The Time Traveler's Wife. So, we went to see the movie while the guys stayed at home and watched the kids. I haven't been to the movies in probably 3 years (David and I just wait for things to come out on video because its cheaper and there are less distractions). The girl time was refreshing; Erin and Dana are so much fun and easy to talk with. The movie was okay, I didn't LOVE it, but it was enjoyable. So why blog about it? Well, I wanted to note some comments about the movies:


1) My favorite part of the movies are the Previews. Why? Number one, a movie is a 50/50 risk of enjoyment, but the previews are guaranteed satisfaction. Number two, I feel like I am "sneaking a peak" at something that isn't out yet. It's like being a kid waiting for Santa.


2) People should have to walk through "cell phone on" detectors. Seriously, what part of the "Please silence cell phones" warning didn't the lady next to me understand?!


3) Manners are under-rated. Rule of thumb: Chew with your mouth closed people, especially with popcorn...it's loud enough!

4) I was totally distracted, wondering what was so important that the lady next to me kept texting the entire movie? It wouldn't have bothered me if her phone wouldn't have kept lighting up every few sections and vibrating my cup holder.


5) Wow! Those were some seriously comfortable chairs! When did going to the movies get so comfy? It may have been exhaustion, but I just wanted to melt myself deeper into those things!

Sitting and Playing

Bump! Sitting unassisted might be fun, but the bumps on the head aren't fun when that wobbly body goes crashing! I am a super-proud mommy as I watch Jackson sit and play on his own. But, I feel terrible when he goes crashing down. I want to catch him every time, but also want Jackson to learn to try to "catch" himself by using his muscles to stop himself from going down. Solution: pillows. The Boppy one is great. He can crash with comfort. It is sweet to watch him discover the world around him sitting up. Plus, I can now play across from him and watch those innocent reactions to toys and sounds.

Drool...

Jackson has had lots and lots of drooling here lately. Could he be teething? Surely not. I will admit that everythin goes to the mouth: hands, socks, washclothes, toys, and even other people's fingers. But, I don't see any inflammation on his gums. What are your thoughts mom's out there?

Friends

My dearest friend came over today. Elizabeth and I met back in 2005 when I first began my career as an educator. She helped to mold and make me the teacher I am today, although she absoulutely denies any credit. (Liz is way too humble). Girl time is great! We just giggled, laughed, snacked, and told secrets. It was like being a kid again at a slumber party...only our conversations were less about playing Barbie and more about what is up with men wanting Barbie's. ha ha When she left I felt a void, but know that I will see her again soon. Jackson really enjoyed time with his Aunt Liz as well. We shared her!

Big Decision

Today's post is a very personal one. Let me start by saying this was the 2nd hardest decision that I have ever made in my life. We've prayed, gotten frustrated, analyzed, and sobbed together. In the end, I know that I am doing they right thing because of the peace I feel in my heart. Peace like this only comes from the Lord.

Over the last 4 months, I have fallen in love with a precious little boy and the job of being his mother. Not every day has been wonderful. In fact, I might be so bold to say that many of my days have been tough. So, why do this? Have you ever dreamt of something? Have you ever made your dreams come true? Mine did. My dreams came true on: May 14th, 2005, June 25th, 2005 and March 26th, 2009. I graduated college, married my soulmate, and welcomed my son on these three days. Since I was a little girl, these were my dreams. I remember telling people that I would do these things and in that order...I'd describe how I would go to college, start a career, get married, buy a house, have children, get a masters degree, and love happily ever ever. I am living my dream. God has given me my dreams.

So, my big decision was which do I sacrifice for the other? Knowing myself, I cannot be a good wife, dedicated educator, doting Mommy, and full time graduate student at the same time. I honestly didn't want to let any of my dreams go...afterall, I've labored so hard for each. I decided to be a wife, mother, and full time graduate student. I feel excited and defeated at the same time. Why defeated? I don't quit; and, I feel like I am quitting my 3rd grade team and school. I know that my position can be easily filled...but, it is my position. I know that another educator will teach, but I hope he or she loves those little boys and girls they way I have the last four years. I will be back, though. I am so excited to pick up my masters program and pursue my degree in Counseling. I feel that I can begin to touch lives in another way.

Please remember me in your prayers as I learn to let go of one opportunity for another.

Brothers

I really enjoy laid back days in the yard mowing, weeding, planting, watering, and grilling. Today was just one of those kind of days. It was precious to watch Jackson "talk" to his brothers, our other 4-legged boys, Sully and Hunter. Since it was close to his bed and bath time, I decided to let the boys get as close to Jackson as they wanted and vice versa. Jackson cooed and pulled on the boys and they gave him a doggy-bath of their own. It was great! David and I laughed about seeing Jackson running or riding around with the boys in the future. We're so glad that they tolerate him now. Jackson especially loved it when Hunter would bark. We've trained Hunter to "speak" with a command, so it was easy to get a reaction from Jackson. I am not sure what it was about the situation that gave me this warm, maternal feeling. I adopted Sully in 2002 when I was in college, and we got Hunter in 2005. Now Jackson is here and it all seems to just fit. I love ALL of my boys (including Daddy)!

By the end of the afternoon poor Jackson was completely worn out.


P.S. Some estrogen around here wouldn't be too terrible, though. :)

Survey Says...

Shots stink! As a Mom, I know they're the right thing to do...as a Mom, they're the hardest thing to do. I hated sitting there and having that helpless feeling as the needles made Jackson cry today. I, personally, don't mind needles (perhaps because I've had so many). But, I do know that certain medicines in the vaccination must burn. Poor guy. On another note, our official weigh-in today was 12 lbs 7 1/4 oz. He was also 23 3/4 inches long. He's growing! Our doctor felt like everything looked great, and was very pleased that Jackson is doing all the necessary milestones, plus a few extra. We're so proud of our little guy!

4 Months Old

Jackson is officially 4 months old today! He is scheduled to go and get his shots on Wednesday. People say it goes by fast. I wouldn't say fast, but it is definitely surreal to think that exactly four months ago today I was welcoming my little boy into our lives. He has been all smiles today. He just loves to giggle and coo. He sits and "talks" to others across the room. He is interacting so much more with the world around him. Jackson has also developed his own little personality. For example, when he wants to be heard, he can screech as loud as a horn honking. When he is irritated, he lets you know. He is a beautiful boy, and I just keep thanking God that I get to be his mother.

On another note, we've been taking these monthly pictures. Well, we got ready for bed and realized that we didn't take our shot today. So, I made David dress him back into an outfit and snap a few shots. I've attached one of Jackson not happy about this, and the other is one of him laughing after I convinced him this was going in the scrapbook.

In the words of Jackson....Wahhhhhh!!!!!

Let's make this a brief blog----two words: No BOTTLES! Seriously, my son will not take a bottle. I was told that if he got hungry enough he would. We went 11 hours and I finally just gave in...So, the search is on for solutions. Fellow bloggers, let me know what works!

Like a Fish to Water

Jackson finally took his first official dip in the swimming pool. He has always LOVED the bathtub and has recently begun splashing and kicking and screeching with excitement while bathing. So, we figured we'd get the same reaction with the pool. Not so much. In fact, we didn't really get anything, initially. (Imagine hearing the sound of a balloon deflating.)

We figured that he was probably wondering why he was floating around on a giant yellow thing with a diaper, swimsuit, and T-shirt on. Oh, and not to mention the giant water hat Mommy put on him! He just floated there like a bump-on-a-log. ha ha Poor guy. Since we live in Texas I am planning on some more enjoyment closer to September. My Aunt Connie (visiting from Virginia) was able to talk to him and get him excited enough for a few photo opportunities. I cannot complian overall. He wasn't screaming to get out or irritated he was there.

New Shoes

When we found out we were having a boy, several friends gave us clothes. However, we didn't receive many shoes and my mom bought the cutest pair of flip-flops. One catch...they are all too big! So, we went today and bought Jackson his very 1st pair of shoes. (Confession: I actually bought two pairs because I couldn't decide between the cute tennis shoes and the practical brown Stride Rite's that will go with all his church attire and jeans.) When we showed up at Uncle Jason and Aunt Shannon's house with our shoes on, David cracked up!
He just stared and stared at his feet all day long. I've decided that investing in shoes is a great bargain; you get a great pair of shoes and an instant toy!

Naps...Check

We finally have them down! Jackson has mastered the nap thing. It only took us nearly 4 months...lol. I was so excited to finally have some time to myself to do some typing, staff development hours for work, and paint my nails. :) Now that we have napping down, perhaps we can start with the bottle. We'll see...

Birthday Bash

Happy 25th Birthday Amy! My little sister turned 25 last weekend (on the 4th of July) but we celebrated in style this weekend. She came to Houston, and the entire family threw a Mexican Fiesta for the Senorita! We all relaxed by the pool and soaked up some rays. Jackson was great, too! He napped and then played with all his cousins.

I am so proud to have the family I do. My sister is a giving, warm person. She has crazy moods, but always make the time for me. My brother is the busiest person I know, but will drop what he is doing if you ask. My sister in law is thoughtful. She thinks of others before herself. My mom is....well, she is my mom and nothing can really be said to tell how truly amazing she is; I love all of them so much.